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brokenwingsX24
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read my profile
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Interests: watching the sunset.
staying up late with
unforgettable people.
camping with friends.
making icky eggs and
eating them out of
martini glasses.
being with you.
Expertise: massage?? i don't know, you tell me.
Message: message meEmail: email me
AIM:  brokenwingsX24
Member Since:
5/31/2003
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| how i missed you my xanga love.
for some reason, i stayed up til 4am last night
rereading all of my enteries since i started this sight.
i really missed this.
i noticed i wrote a lot of poetry on here
when i was 15.
i don't write poetry anymore.
i will start making myself do it again.
i just needed this space to do it in.
i am happy to have rediscovered a passion.
or an addiction. :) | | |
| i didnt sleep well at all. i didnt go through a single
hour without waking up. i was really cold
and i had 6 seperate nightmares.
the first was from reading too much harry potter and i dreampt
that i got in trouble for cheating and using someone elses book.
then in the second nightmare a friend of mine was lying on my livingroom
floor. her mom is dying of lou garigs disease and only has a couple weeks
left so it was very gut wrenching to see her. we sat and talked on my floor, and
then it help cheer her up i was going to show her my naked woman sculpture,
but when i got to my sculpture it was all ripped up and bent and destroyed.
in the third nightmare, jesse was going to come over and eat dinner at my house
and meet my dad for the first time. i really dont like my dad and am ashamed of him
so it was really stressful to be there. but at 7pm i couldnt find jesse. then i saw him out
in a field with an exboyfriend of him. jesse came into the house and went into the bathroom.
i followed him and asked him if he had alread ate dinner. he said he had, and i got really
upset and turned off the light in the bathroom and closed the door on him and told him to
just stay in there. (this was really really stressful for me because jesse and i have never fought
or even been mad at each other about anything before).
in the fouth nightmare, i was still upset about jesse. i was standing in my house by a door
that leads onto our deck where we feed out cats. standing there eating the cat food were
two black weasels and two black rats. i wanted them to go away and stop eatingthe cat food.
i was really angry so i tried kicking them, but they didnt go anywhere( i probably kicked the
wall in my sleep or something). then i tried throwing golf balls at them, but they just kept eating.
then i was really pissed and started trying to smash their haeds in the door! it still didnt bother
them so i closed the doors(there were strangely about 5 doors that were all in a row).
in my fifth nightmare, i was still standing by all the doors i had just closed. then i started thinking
about jesse again, and felt bad. i knew it was not his fault that he had eaten before he came over.
i knew that i was a misscomunication so i went in the bathroom and appologized to him. i explained
that one of the reasons i was upset about it was because i had been working really hard making dinner, making sure that it was half wizard food, half people food (yes, im weird, dont understand me either, possibley another sign of too much harry potter). also, jesse's dad had even come over to eat dinner with us.
in the seventh and final nightmare( it was so bad it made me get up and stop trying to sleep),
i was in some sort of jungle/forest place. i was with a asian guy who i was suppoesed to marry the next
day, a middle aged asian guy, a really old asian guy, and a middle aged asian woman. it was night time and we were all going to bed. the guy i was going to marry the next day and the middle aged asian guy slept in a tent in the woods. the woman slept on top of a really big rock. i was going to sleep at the foot of the rock.. the really old asian man decided he was going to sleep next to me.i was just lying there looking down at the tent where my future husband slept, and i was thinking about how
much i didnt want to marry him. the old asain guy was lying next to me blabbering away and was ignoring him. then i heard him say," oh, i know its not right but i an going to!" and then all of a sudden
he was on my trying to force me to make out with him!!!! i woke up with my heart pounding! it was soo
gross and soo scary!!!
then i gave up trying to sleep. i had woken up between every nightmare with my hear pounding, all twisted up in my sheets, freezing cold, and really agitated.im really sorry that i just wrote all of that. i just think it so weird i had to tell someone. thanks for listening anyway, its 1:27am and im going to go to bed, hopefully without nightmar | | |
| hi kelsey
im stressed out right now.
its the 9th. i have one of three pieces done.
i leave on the 11th to go to oregon, and
i dont want to go. i get back on the 18th,
jesse's birthday is the 22nd... but i have to
start house sitting for iris on the 22nd...
that is the main stresser right now. i want to get to
be with jesse all day, maybe i can get my mom to
cover it for me... but how terrible is is that i get her
to cover for me on the first day??? sigh.. i dont want to do
it really, i just want the money. i figured out that it will be
for 15 days, and i would make about $375
thats $175 dollars a week, i need that badly. i need to get a
camera, among many other things.
i hate myself, but cant think of anything ive done wrong, other than
i didnt shut the gate behind me even though i knew i should.
i dont think she likes me or trusts me much.
i like her animals.
dog, morris, shepard/lab mix
cats, max, oliver, molly
tortise, dr. dolittle
house, beautiful
me, stressed. i dont want to do it.
i just want to spend that day with jesse.
maybe they will feed them in the morning,
and mom can feed them at night, and then i will
go over at night and stay with them.
i hope everything works out well.
on top of all this i feel fat
i gained a lot of wait at csssa even though the food was crap.
and since i dont have any money i dont eat in town,
and i am never home to eat dinner.
and i still feel fat
i should start exercising.
i feel lost and overwhelmed at home.
adam is wasting away and i hate it
i hope he wakes up soon, but ive been waiting for
that his whole life. i want my mommy to come home,
i miss her.
i feel like i need to do something productive, but
at the same time, i feel like i havent really stopped all summer.
and then school starts and im not at home for the first week.
the 22nd through the 5th, thats 15 days, thats a long time.
i love my bed, i miss lauren and jill and kris and anna and dave and travis and sophia. | | |
| i dont know what day it is
i am really depressed and emotional right now
im glad im not usually like this when im around people
i feel pathetic
i really need some sleep
i get soo drained and emotional when i am running on
a small amount of sleep.
i've just been so busy with this iPod stuff
and making aure i spend time with all the people i am
going to miss while i am gone.
i miss a lot of people already
i hope i feel better in the morning
being this emotional all the time would make
me so sick of myself
and yet
whenever i feel emotional i turn to Xanga
**xanga love**
im losing people
i can feel it
i hate it
i need to shut up
i really want a hug
i need my teddy
oh man do i need sleep
but i dont have time
im waiting
story of my life
waiting
waiting for iTunes to do its stuff
because tomorrow i have to get up early
and pack my life into a suitcase....
packing will take me forever
i cant believe im leaving friday...
there is so much i need to do that i havent
even tought about yet....
i miss jesse
already
then i need to make an effort to "socialize" with the family
before i go
then hopefully i can go to nicoles tomorrow night
because that is where jesse will be
and i want to see him before i go
i bought three new cds today and left them in his truck
damn
i hate being emotional
i am going to stop rambling on and on
.
the end
for a while
i might be able to keep in touch while i am at school
via xanga myspace and email
i dont know if i will have much time for it though
i will do my best
i know i will miss you all dearly.
love love
kels | | |
| today i noticed a very sad thing.
xanga has died for good.
no one has used thier's since april,
when the myspace disease
spread like wildfire.
i admit to being a myspace addict too,
but i am heartbroken that people gave
up on this.
sigh.
i suppose i should end my xanga love affair.
ahhh! i cant i cant do it.
i neeed this, for me.
maybe i will just write private entries from now on.
the problem with myspace is there's no place for
my to just ramble about whats going on with my life.
like here, my blog home.
i miss the days when we would leave a million
comments for each other because
we knew how cool it made us feel to come
home to new comments.
how they made you happy to have one
no matter what they said.
no one is going to read this anway
but goodbye just the same.
i miss this already.
i might try out the private
entry deal, but its not the same. | | |
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